Well, so much for sleep – although I did get some. Woke up and of course then my mind was racing. I’m constantly looking at my labs, then the internet. I read something that upsets me so I shut off my phone. I do this multiple times in the early morning hours and then clear as day I hear “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths”(Proverbs 3:5-6)
I cry, of course, but then a calm comes over me that I can’t explain. I do trust Him, and all of this is out of my control anyways. Out of curiosity I decide to look up today’s reading from a devotional that I have a home “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. So I type in today’s date and I won’t share the entire message but it starts with “You are on the path of My choosing” and ends with “As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry, thus you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace”. That is all I need to hear – Thank you Lord!
My husband and son come to spend the day with me. I am told my biopsy will be at 4PM and they will come around 3 PM to get me. I am evaluated by PT and OT. OT suggests sitting for my daily activities as much as possible to conserve energy and recommend a shower seat.
My middle child makes it in before my biopsy, I’m glad she made it in. In the endo suite I’m trying my best to stay calm – I know I’m in God’s hands. I find anesthesia just so strange, as they start it everything goes black but I can hear them talking..for a minute and then I wake up, just like that, still in the endo suite – the nurses are cleaning everything up and someone takes me to recovery. In recovery, I am very uncomfortable-it takes approx an hour for me to be able to KEEP my eyes open. Then nurse is getting ready to release me back to my room and then….projectile vomit-almost hit the nurse who was at the foot of the stretcher – happens two more times. Oh, I feel so bad that I did that, but now I feel somewhat better. The ride back to the room must aggravate something because by the time I get to my room my lungs are BURNING! The transporter wasn’t exactly gentle either. I hurt so bad, I’m crying. My oldest daughter arrives. I’m surrounded by my family, I don’t know what they are thinking or feeling right now but I’m glad they are all here with me. It doesn’t take long and the pain subsides, now we just pray that they got enough tissue to do the test. I’m kind of still holding out hope that it’s just caused by Covid and that I just happen to also have an autoimmune disorder.
My sister in Washington state checks in on me – she has lupus and scleroderma. I have a feeling she will be leaned upon a lot by me in the coming weeks/months if the rheumatologist confirms my fear.
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