1st day home with what looks to be my new normal- for now anyway. I have plenty to keep my mind busy – making Dr. appts, navigating new medications and treatments. I’m obsessed with checking my oxygen levels with everything I do. I can’t believe I’ve been functioning if this is where they have been. How on Earth did I just walk Charleston, SC a few weeks ago? I also have to wonder if our anniversary trip set off some kind of lupus flare that I don’t recognize because it’s all so new-if I even have it-but it’s definitely looking that way.
The rest of my oxygen is delivered and my house now looks like the home of a sick person. Medical equipment, supplies, medications, hospital papers, cards and flowers everywhere – and I’m reminded of my sister, D. She’s the one who died because of lupus. She fought hard for 20+ years, having gone thru dialysis both peritoneal and hemodialysis, kidney transplant, rejection, back on dialysis, open heart surgery just to name a few – and not to mention the psychotic breakdown caused by her medications. So, reality sets in again, that now is the time to find my strength, “put on my big girl pants” and face this thing with everything I can muster.
My oldest brings me lunch and stays the afternoon, working from her laptop. I wonder what my children think-seeing their mother weakened both mentally and physically. I wonder but I’m afraid to ask- I don’t know if I could bear to hear the answer right now.
At some point in the day I begin to read the passages from “Jesus Calling”, (the devotional by Sarah Young I spoke about in an earlier post). I start with April 26th, the day I decided to get checked out. I won’t go into detail but each day was written for me on exactly that day. God is the only explanation!!! I have to share these with someone-it’s too “in your face” to not share what God is telling me. I have my husband read them, then I send them to my oldest daughter and my two sisters and finally to a co-worker who is also going thru some medical issues – I wanted them to witness God in my life and I wanted the co-worker to feel the same peace I was feeling that it’s all in His hands.
Leave a Reply