Today has been a hard day. First off, I went to get all of that blood work done. 6 attempts to get between 10-12 vials of blood, with one attempt being in my bicep. My veins have had it! They do not want to play anymore.
Then, came the CellCept. The medication I was looking forward to several days ago is now both my hope and my fear at the same time. It’s hard to convince yourself to take something that MAY help but it MAY also make you more sick by wiping out your immune system. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to mention that it increases your risk of lymphoma and skin cancer (so no more sun between the hours of noon-4pm for me, sunscreen and big hate- again, this reminds me of my sister, D-she couldn’t do these things either)
I sat at my kitchen table and cried for 30 minutes trying to convince myself that it was ok to take it. B was so wonderful and supportive – he just let me have my time, let me cry until I could brave it out. Finally, I did it!
Then, there’s my children who are now concerned about their children giving me a germ. I understand their concern but if I can’t be around my family – the thing that gives me the most joy and happiness then I might as well be dead anyways – BUT, I do get it, I would be the same way, in fact I was with my own parents during the height of Covid. We will just have to navigate this new way of life together and be smart about it while still being able to enjoy life TOGETHER.